The Learning Process of the Ups and Downs of Bipolar Disorder

Well first let me start off saying that dealing with being Bi-polar does get easier to deal with. It just takes time and the want to get better.

I remember a few times specifically where I would be so happy, just so very happy about things, or at least I thought I was happy. It wasn't a normal sort of happy though, was very bright, things were sunshine and rainbows. Just so happy about everything even if I knew it wasn't exactly the honest thing or how I wanted to feel or even things I should feel at that point in time, a great deal of the time the happiness came at points where it was inappropriate. People would be crying around me and I would just be the same old same old smiling away. People would ask me why I would be so happy and I would tell them that I had no idea, or they would get angry because they would think I would be trying to make fun of them because of how happy I was and it would frustrate me but the high nodes of the happy even though they caused issues and made things awkward were no where near as horrible as the low swings.

Where I would be so low, so angry or so just sad that I would collapse on the floor or where I was and just huddle into a ball crying. I would be embarrassed of crying and of how the low swings would affect me so I tried to hide them but that didn't work. People would ask me why I was sad, or why I was so angry with them and I would tell them, that I just didn't know. That I had no idea why I was sad, that there was no particular reason for me to be sad. The angry cycles of it though were dangerous for me, because I would become paranoid as well, and I would just hate everyone and everything that got near me and spoke to me. Wouldn't matter what it was, or who it was, I just hated them even though there would have been no rational reason why.

At first though I didn't see a cycle, didn't see that there was an issue. I didn't see how strange it was for me to go from one extreme to another, or maybe I just was so used to it that I thought it was normal. I did end up seeing it though, did end up figuring out that something wasn't specifically right and that's when I went to go to talk to someone.

I ended up going to talk to a psychologist, and he did help me a great deal. I was able to figure out how to deal with the upswings and the down swings of the disorder without it involving some miracle cure or something else. He had asked me if I wanted to take medication, and I told him no. He did tell me it would be harder to deal with but I did understand. He did teach to keep sort of a record of when my regular upswings were so I knew how to adjust and just deal with things rationally and in a healthy way. I dealt with the upswings of it pretty well, but the down ones were still difficult but in time I got used to dealing with them. I got used to figuring out the pattern. So when I understood how to deal with it all, I could sort of manage it, predict when I would have harder times of things and be able to put myself in better situations so that I wouldn't have such a difficult time of the ups and downs. It's best to just live a day at a time with it, and just live and try to live a normal life regardless of the difficulties or inabilities because of the disorder.